Uncertain

I guess that's the best word to describe my current pregnancy, uncertain.

At our 20 week ultrasound, the baby was measuring small. A few weeks before we had an ultrasound because of my blood pressure and the baby was measuring small and by the 20 week appointment the baby hasn't grown significantly like it should have. At 20 weeks the baby should have weighed around 13 or so oz and the baby measured 9oz. Because of this and my pregnancy induced hypertension, I was referred to a high risk doctor.

I was pretty upset that the baby was measuring small and I asked her what this could mean and she told me that maybe the baby would just have a big growth spurt, or maybe there is a placenta problem....or maybe some chromosomal abnormalities. During the appointment I was upset but by the time the elevator doors closed, I started to cry.

Chromosomal abnormalities? Like Downs? I didn't know what to think or how to handle this situation. She said that they didn't notice any marks for this during the ultrasound but since the baby is so small they may just not be seeing it yet.

I left the appointment a ball a nerves and had to wait for 2 weeks to meet with my high risk doctor. I felt like the day was never going to come.

The appointment finally came. I was so nervous. The tech did an ultrasound for at least 20 minutes taking all sorts of measurements. I asked how much the baby weighed and she responded "10 oz". In my heart, I felt it sink. 10 ounces? The baby has only gained an OUNCE in 2 weeks? Dear God.

I remember at one point just not even looking at the monitor, just drifting away in thoughts. The high risk doctor came in shortly after and asked if I was certain of my conception date and I am. We had many early dating ultrasounds as well. She then did an ultrasound for probably 20 minutes, at this point I felt like my stomach was getting sorer by the second.

Once she finished the ultrasound, she began to talk about my blood pressure. My blood pressure has been high for the majority of this pregnancy. She decided to up my current dosage on one med and add in another medication as well. She isn't 100% sure that the baby isn't thriving just b/c of the high blood pressure. She brought up the possibility of chromosomal abnormalities again and said she is ordering some blood work.

We left the appointment again...with very little answers, just a whole bunch of uncertainty. I went the following day to give my lab work and it was 16 vials of blood, 16! Eeek! Once I spoke to my OB she said that some of the lab work may take up to 20 days. My high risk doctor said I may have to have an amniocentesis done at my next appointment which is next week.

If you have any prayers you can spare, I'll gladly take them! I just want this pregnancy to just be easy for a while and feel a sense of ease so much to where I can breathe.