Rollercoaster

I feel that since December I have been on a roller coaster of super highs and incredible lows.

After a great meeting with my doctor last month, we were given the green light to start trying again. I was very excited and decided to try to see where things went. I didn't chart until the end of my 2 week wait and only used OPKs. I didn't drink pomegranate juice and guzzle down green tea, I was trying to just let it be.

My period was due last week and once I was a day late I decided to take a test. There it was...2 lines! TWO lines! I was so excited, I can't believe I was pregnant again! The next day I again took tests and 2 brands said pregnant and the digital said not pregnant. I knew the digital tests were not as sensitive so I didn't think much of it.

Per doctors orders I called as soon as I got a positive test. The nurse called me back all excited and I just knew, this was IT! This was my baby I've been trying for a year for.

I went in for blood work and was told I would have the results the next day. All day on Friday I was too nervous and excited to even leave my phone. Of course, the second I left my phone I came back to a voice mail from my doctor. She then went on and called Clint, so Clint knew the news before I did.

She explained to me that my HCG levels were low and that she didn't think this was a good pregnancy. Again...NOT a good pregnancy. She feels that this is no relation to my December ectopic pregnancy and that we can start trying again immediately. My doctor explained to me that this is a chemical pregnancy.

In my mind I kept on holding out hope that maybe she is wrong, maybe the blood work next week will show that I am pregnant and everything will be ok. Well, my thoughts were short lived because I start bleeding during the night.

This cycle we were supposed to go in for blood work and have an HSG done, so not sure if that is still in the works. I go in this week for blood work to make sure my HCG level is under 5 and I guess we will discuss then.

In the interim, I keep on going through serious waves of blues. The odds of this happening 2x in 3 months just breaks my heart.

Good news is that I know I can get pregnant, it's just keeping the pregnancy is the hard part. I need some prayers and thoughts of good luck.